Author Archives: Messy Jesse

About Messy Jesse

Messy Jesse has been surfing all his life. He's lived in both Southern California, and Hawaii. Perfect Honolua Bay is by far the best wave he's ever surfed, and Corpus Christi, TX is without a doubt the worst. Preferably a shortboarder when the waves are on, and a 5'11 squash tail at a little over 2 inches thick will fit a Newport peak just fine. When the waves are off, and you still wanna get wet, a 9 foot log is just as fun. A talented surfer on both a short board or long board is equally amazing, but when it really, really comes down to it... Six foot hollow 54th on a paper weight is the only way to boost!

Props! Guys Getting Shacked on Longboards

Share

How hot is this shot? Getting barreled on a longboard isn’t easy to do. It’s hard to get a 9 foot board to do what you want inside a tiny tube. It’s not every day you get to surf a wave as good as this shot above. If you’re like me you pretty much only ride a longboard when the waves are shit. Longboards make small waves fun again. There have been a few select times when I’ve ridden a longboard in good waves, and I can honestly say I’ve never once made it out of a tube on one. Longboards are fast, they’re big, and it’s hard to slow one down enough to see some tunnel vision. Longboards have a way of generating speed on their own, and you basically don’t have to do anything to make it down the line. That’s where all the cool cross-stepping, and toes-over-the-nose things come into play. You gotta do something while you’re standing there. But yeah, I’m always syked to see dudes getting barreled riding longboards, so here’s a couple clips…

Pipeline Isn’t the Only Rad Thing About Surfing…

Share

…Smokin’ hot dumb blonds are one of the best things about surfing. Watching and talking to them rules. This is Tashia McIntosh, and she’s trying to win “Miss Transworld Surf”. Which is the magazine’s never-ending search for hot chicks in bikinis, I.Q. not an issue. Her-ray! Down below you’ll find a video interview with Tashia, and this has to be my favorite quote from the adorable little piece: “I think I was born naked”. Priceless. I love her. She’s answering Chris Cote’s question as to how comfortable she feels in a bikini. Tashia thinks she might have been born naked…and feels she should have been born in a bikini instead. Yep, it’s even better when you see it. I think she should have been born in this bikini last night in my dreams, but I didn’t know of Tashia then and I don’t think my brain could have come up with that quote. Chris Cote, being the funny guy he is, responded with “I think I was born in a 3-piece suit”, and she’s oblivious to the joke at her own expense.

Classic..

I love you, boo! Best of luck…

You can see more exciting interviews with other swim suit hopefuls here.

Celebrities who surf? – Hayden Panettiere

Share

Does “Heroes” tv-star Hayden Panettiere surf? Hmm.. I’m guessing she probably surfs about as much as Ice-T does, but here she is carrying around a Cordell surfboard under her arm.

It doesn’t look like there’s much for waves behind her there, and I’m sure that was more of an exploring session than surfing. But, that’s cool though! She’s putting herself out in the ocean, and that’s a good start. More than I can say for the skimmers!

I’m joking, really… Hayden Panettiere is an active celebrity against whale hunting, and she even had a warrant for her arrest at one point for protesting such things. That’s pretty rad, and oh, did I mention she’s totally hot too?

Or is she too dwarfy?!

And what the f*ck is up with the mermaid?

A surfer getting spit out of a barrel won’t get you pregnant

Share

Metaphor time! If getting barreled is the closest thing to an orgasm, than this is the closest a man will ever get to a woman’s. It’s common knowledge that a female orgasm last much longer compared to a Male’s, and to put this in layman’s terms, a man’s peak would be compared to a quick tube at the pier. Where a woman’s time in the “Spirit World” would be more like Ozzie Wright’s ridiculously long barrel in Indo, click here.

Get my drift?

That is the difference between what’s happening inside a woman’s mind, compared to a males, during an orgasm…

I have no idea who this is, but this is seriously one of the deepest tubes I’ve ever seen in Mexico that wasn’t Puerto Escondido. This has to be the same spot Andy Irons won the “Somewhere In Mexico” Rip Curl event back in 2006. You can watch that swell clicking here. It was Andy and Taylor Knox in the final, and Andy popped a big air for the win. Thinking back, there were so many good barrels in that event that picking a favorite would be like choosing your most memorable orgasm. For a man that’s impossible, because they’re all equally amazing regardless of who made them happen.

Cheers!

Think your local break is crowed? Try going out in this:

Share

Think Lower Trestles is crowed? Check out this clip I came across on YouTube today of somewhere only Satan knows because I can’t read the language description. From the looks of things, it must be Hell. Why would anyone even want to paddle out in that?! I don’t know about you, but I’m not really into getting fins run across my calves or surfboard noses in my eye. Talk about having a nervous breakdown. I’d probably end up killing someone. That someone most likely being my own face when I throw my fist into it. You could be the mellowest, best-mannered person in the world and still completely lose your mind out there. This must be what the whole world looks like from outer space, huh? No wonder all the passing aliens are like “F#ck that!”, and never land here anymore.

What’s the difference? Just add water:

Nathan “Noodles” Webster still totally rips.

Share

Remember Noodles? He was on the world tour at one point, and then kind of fell off on the scene for a bit. Well, he still completely rips (of course) and this is a feel-good clip of him cruising through Australia on a motorcycle scoring pretty much perfect beach breaks. If you can find anything to complain about here, then something is seriously wrong with you, dude. You’re way too uptight, and maybe a new-found drug habit might chill you out..

By drug, of course I mean warm summer tubes, because it seems to be working quite well with Nathan. That’s a well relaxed man.

Check out his surfcycle, and all the good waves he scored by clicking here.

Chris Ward declared Jesus

Share

He wears Converse too! Lost Enterprises always comes up with entertaining advertising campaigns, and their take on The Last Supper is no different. This is “The …Lost Supper”, and you can easily spend 15 minutes admiring all the extra items tossed in. That, and trying to figure out what team rider is which apostle, with Chris Ward playing Jesus, of course. According to myth one of the apostles would betray Jesus, and you can try & figure out which team rider it is by clicking here. You can view a large enough scale to clearly see the entire new painting through “More photos”. It’s a real treat, and I like how the new apostles smoke weed, take hard alcohol shots w/ Lost energy drinks, and play on their iPhones.

Dean Randazzo isn’t slowing down for sh*t

Share

People tend to forget about New Jersey’s most successful professional surfer in history, and the only one to ever compete on the WCT level, until he was stricken with cancer in 2001. I’m talking about Dean Randazzo of course, and his ongoing battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Disease. Despite ongoing set-backs from time to time the dude is still ripping, and even more importantly his cancer foundation continues to raise money for other victims of the rare disease. Hodgkin’s makes up for less than 1 percent of all cancer cases in America, and according to the Dean Randazzo Cancer Foundation website. They’ve raised over a hundred thousand dollars to date for other people battling these same demons inside. Cancer is no joke, and it’s rad to see homeboy is still surfing better than most even picking up a new sponsorship with Hyperflex Wetsuits. Why more companies aren’t backing this guy, I don’t really get, but you can read up on the New Jersey devil’s comeback trail clicking here.

Dude, how’s that mustache?

Simply Simpo- Brett Simpson Training

Share

This is Brett Simpson training to be the best possible contest surfer he can be. Ian “Kanga” Cairns is helping him out, and I think it’s safe to say that dude knows a few things about professional surfing. After Timmy Reyes, Brett Simpson is probably Huntington Beach’s next best hope for a world champion. Both are highly unlikely in my book, but Simpo most definitely rips, and I’ve been wrong before. Kind of like how I’ll think eating at Taco Bell is a great idea, and then later that night I’m trapped on my toilet. I wouldn’t say there’s anything trapped about Brett Simpson’s surfing, because the dude can bust with the best of them. How’s that first huge air reverse? If I weighed 135 pounds I might be able to fly like that too. I’m joking of course, I have no idea how much he weighs, or how much Hurley is paying him to rip like this. Whichever sticker gets to go way up there in the nose of his surfboard is the company writing the biggest checks.

You can check out his personal blog by clicking here.

Classic Bruce Irons footy

Share

This is some old throw-back footage of Bruce Irons talking about wanting to win all the money he can while still young, and then getting barreled for football fields. It’s amazing how light he can be on his feet while surfing such powerful waves. At times it looks as if it could blow him right off his board. Wait, that came out all wrong. What I mean is the dude looks like he’s not even standing on his board, as if hovering above it, and then somehow rips through a full rail cutty sending buckets to mars. Not so much here with the power, but things have changed since. I’m guessing he came nowhere near to winning all the money dreamed of on the WCT, but not to worry, his lifetime sponsorship with Volcom took care of that.

Question: How can I order a custom surfboard?

Share

Owning a custom made surfboard will always rule over a shelf bought stick. It’s the delusional feeling that somehow your small input made this board work as well as it does. No store bought board could ever ride this good, because you weren’t there to put your two cents in on the design. This is all horseshit of course, but whatever it is, riding a surfboard made especially for you feels good. Rusty Surfboards has now made it very easy for you to achieve this, and broke down the basic ordering process for you.

Click here to view the break-down. Keep in mind you’re going to need your wallet handy, because a custom anything doesn’t come cheap.

Who knows? This could be you next summer…

Massive Bruce Irons giveaway

Share

Transworld Surf & Bruce Irons have teamed up for a pretty insane free giveaway including a JS surfboard, a full Volcom wardrobe, Bruce Irons signature DC sandals, Nixon headphones, Dakine Bruce Irons signature pad, tons of free Red Bull, and a pair of Bruce Irons signature Oakley sunglasses. God DAAAMN!! When you have one of the most marketable surfers in history riding for your company, you can afford to give away a few things. The amount of money Bruce Irons makes for his sponsors probably flirts with that of Kelly Slater in the last 5 or so years. Granted when Slater first hit the scene he was like a God among men, but most of that has calmed down to a regular rockstar like status. Maybe Bruce Irons actually does sell more product than Kelly at this point? Who knows? And who cares? I know what you’re thinking right now, and you wanna know how to win all this shit. The answer is simple, and you have to do is answer this question: What is going through Bruce’s mind when he stands in huge tubes with no hands?

Any ideas? You can enter the contest clicking here.

His Grandma must have gotten this shot with her Kodak Single Use.

Share

What is boogie boarding really? It’s easy to claim bodyboarding is nothing more than training wheels for the ocean. Something you’re supposed to grow out of, but sometimes people get lost in life, and before you know it you’re a 26 yr old gossip queen. That’s what boogers do… Huddle around in small groups on the inside like cheerleaders excitingly gossiping about what the boys are all wearing, and who they may or may not let feel them up tonight after the big game. Like most other surfers I started out on training wheels until the day came something unexplainable inside me said to stop being a dork, and purchase myself a surfboard. To stand up & be seen. To never again feel ashamed about what’s under your arm when passing another person holding a surfboard. And let’s face it, no chick is picking a boog over a surfer. Don’t get me wrong here… I don’t harbor any hatred for boogies, and I would never run one of them over or anything, that’s absurd. I just don’t understand it as a sport really, and you wouldn’t either if I were to make you eat dinner tonight in a high chair. This is what it feels like to boogie. It’s perfectly fine when you’re still young and learning the ropes, but anything after that only seems humiliating as an adult. No kid wants to eat at the kiddie table forever, and dreams of graduating to the big leagues with Dad.

So where is all this coming from? I was recently asked if bodyboarding has evolved, and my honest to God natural response to this was “Who gives a shit?”

The feeling you get while watching this throw-back Cory Lopez clip should explain this.

This is a damn good photo – Tossing a bone to skimmers

Share

I feel like maybe I should respond to all the comments left in response to a little post I wrote. Skimboarding is cool. I never said it was a bullshit sport. I just don’t understand how mimicking the act of surfing wouldn’t be enough to convince a person to paddle out for real. Skimboarding is a Mountain Dew activity, because it lacks the most important part of riding waves:

Being. In. The. Damn. Ocean.

What it feels like to sit out in the line-up on a cold chilly morning waiting for a set to break. What it’s like to have a school of dolphins pass through the line-up all around you. The stupid irrational fears that wash over you the second a shark is mentioned. Furiously stroking as fast as you can to make it over the top of a set wave, and what might be lurking around behind it. This is the foundation of what surfing is. Experiencing the ocean around you, and being a part of it yourself. These are the truly magical moments about being a surfer. These are the things you’re missing just standing on the beach.

Tell me there’s anything “magical” about skimming across the sand, and I’ll say you’re smoking too much weed. Your sport is cool, I love to watch it, but don’t even try to tell me there’s any soul behind it. Does skimming take over your whole life, and affect the way you raise your kids? Does it dictate your relationships with women, and how you’re going to balance the two? Does skimming make you wonder how are you going to escape the city when it’s sitting right there next to you? Have you ever sat a 100 yards out at sea alone, and looked back at the beach feeling like you’re on another planet? This is the kind of sh*t I’m talking about, and that’s why there’s no comparison.

There, I said it. Now crucify me for having an opinion.

Editor’s Note: I won’t take some lameass stance and say I don’t support the opinions of our writers, because he’s pretty much dead on. And if you get all fired up again over our skimboarding opinions? We’d kindly like to point out that you are reading a surf website, so, ya know, you are already trying to defect from your sport by just BEING here. We’re like a gateway drug to surfing. You’ve been warned.

Lost Surfboards teamrider crowned boxing champion.

Share

This is Kina Malpartid, she’s from Peru, and not only does she probably have a sicker cutty than you, but chances are she will pound your ass in the ring too. Yep, you’re looking at the AMB World Featherweight champion. Besides surfing better than you she can dish out a serious beat-down. Lost Enterprises is making her surfboards, and naturally they are pretty excited to show off their talent.

I don’t care, I’ll still burn her. I like a woman who will come get in my face, and embarrass me in front of the boys. I can do turns like this, and I wanna take her ass on in a heat. Of course if she beats me I’ll have to go jump off a bridge, but that’s where this whole AMB World Featherweight Champion thing comes in to play.

“Yeah-so, she smoked me, did I mention she can kick all your asses?”

What’s up with Kelly Slater kookin’?

Share

Click here to read a hilarious opinion as of why Kelly Slater has pretty much blown it this year*.

*As of right NOW of course, because if the dude won the next 5 contests nobody would be truly “surprised.”

A fair warning to the sheltered people: This is a Lewis Samuels article, and as you may or may not know, he’s never been afraid to express his outlook on surfers. I feel he’s pretty much dead-on with the matter, what do you guys think about it?

Gorkin wins at home!

Share

Dooo Doooo!! Aaron Cormican, a.k.a. Gorkin, won the inaugural Landshark Spring Surfari Pro at his home break in New Smyrna.

The waves were a consistent 4 foot for the final. Homeboy was ripping all day… and once the horn buzzed marking the end of the heat? Cormican was declared the winner on paper, and then later awarded a check for $20,000 dollars (tax free!)

I’m joking about the tax free part, of course, but I’m sure that was the last thing from Aaron’s mind after realizing he won.

I can guess of one thing that might have been on his mind though, 20 G’s will buy you a whole lot of weed!! Gorkin has never been one to deny his love for pot, and even has himself a bong sponsor. I suppose that’s one thing he’s got up on Slater, because I’m guessing at this point Kelly would be riding for someone else before signing a contract with Graffix.

You can check out all the after-win party pics by clicking here.

Buy Julian Wilson’s surfboard on Ebay.

Share

Julian Wilson is auctioning off his pink surfboard he used during the Quiksilver Pro at Snapper. Julian rode all pink surfboards to help raise awareness for breast cancer. I’m not sure if this is the board he beat Kelly Slater on, because he ended up breaking two of these things. But he did have all the top pros autograph it so it’s a collector’s item regardless. All the proceeds will go directly to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Thing is, it’s in Australia. So if you live in the States getting it here is gonna be a little pricey. Actually more than a little pricey, and probably not worth it at all. You’re better off donating straight to the source.

I tried to get a breast exam business going, but apparently women don’t want to have their breast examined by a dude in stinky surf trunks inside his Mother’s basement.

See the Ebay auction here.

I guess it was only a matter of time…

Share

Looks like X-Trak is coming out with a Joker pad. It looks pretty rad to me, but I’m still waiting for that Notorious B.I.G. pad! Do I gotta send them a letter? They might not take me up on it seeing what I’ve written about skimboarders, but oh well. I’m just being honest.

So Heath Ledger just recently won an Oscar for his role as the Joker in “The Dark Night”, and looks like X-Trak is giving up some props to him. As you probably know Heath Ledger passed away last year from a possible drug overdose, or suicide. No one really knows. He died in one of Mary-Kate Olsen’s apartments, and if you’ve ever wondered what she looks like in a bikini? Click here.

Now watch this:

Isn’t that sick? Hahahaha!

Here’s the only surfing clip that comes up when you put “X-Trak” into YouTube:

Flat day fun w/ everyday skimboarders.

Share

Skimboarding is cool, but it’s way cooler when you’re surfing the wake of a ski boat on one. This is a clip of Morgan Just skimboard surfing a little knee-high boat wake. It looks like fun training to me when there’s no actual waves at the beach, and like I’ve always said: “Why don’t these guys just surf?”. It’s strange to me they wanna get barreled, do airs, and hit lips, but don’t wanna do it for real. Maybe they’re all terrified of the ocean, and this is the closest they can get to these things without actually doing it? I don’t know, maybe I’m just talking sh*t, but skimboarding has always seemed like a half-ass kind of sport. It’s like having a beautiful woman laid out on your bed, and jumping on top of her for 2 seconds before running off down the hallway. All I’m saying is how do you get that close to the ocean, and not want to get in for real?

But that’s just my opinion on things, and you can check out the Victoria website clicking here.