Justin tells the story how, when he was in South Africa for a surf trip, he cracks his ankle and gets his lip busted open. The is very important stuff in the world of surfing, more important than Kelly Slater winning again…
Okay, so most of the surfing world already knows that Alex Knost is a guy you either love or hate. You can admire his surfing both on a longboard, where his unique style and progressive surfing is almost unrivaled, or on a shortboard, where he can hang with the best. Ultimately, it will be his personality and character that pull you into his camp or make you want to puke. I fall into the latter group. His surfing is admirable, but his on land persona has much less appeal. He is the hipsters’ hipster, always trying his hardest to be ironically different. Barrel dodging 30-40 somethings and wannabe retro throwbacks generally revel in his queerness. Alex has even cited his own hate-ability in a pre-premier interview regarding this DVD of his, where he said, “Half of the people that watch it won’t understand it, and the other half will want to punch me in the face.” I fall into the latter half, as I wasted a few minutes of my life on the preview that I will never get back, a video that featured movie highlights such as Alex making his own skin tight shorts out of skin tight jeans. Check out the video above for a brief glimpse at a day in the life of one of my least favorite douchebags. Try to hold back your vomit when he starts talking about his poetry. Enjoy!
Ahh yes. Goat boats. We’re sure it’s quite a rush to surf down the face of a wave in a big mofo of a boat. But, as any kook knows, pearling happens from time to time. It can be rescued. You’ve got to push yourself off of the deck of your board etc. etc. Anyway, that’s a LOT harder to do when you’re surfing with a mammoth, 40 ton boat. Sucks to be, umm, all of them. Serves them right for (probably) taking over the break.
I have just lost 8 minutes of my life that I will never ever get back and you can too!!
I would point out that surfing fitness should never, ever be done on the beach. Don’t you agree? I mean, in the 8 scintillating minutes that I spent watching this one, I was really thinking “Fark – I could probably log the waves that are breaking behind them.”
My favorite moment in the video is when the surfer attempts to dig to China, on the very front of his foam-top board. I know what the surfer is thinking though – “THIS SUCKS!”
Seriously though, the BEST part about this video is the sound quality. Crank’er up ladies!
A lot of people are idiots. Even surfers. This guy is a great example of a surfer who didn’t get his daily dose (let your imagination figure it out…). If I was that guy, the first thing that would go through my mind as the car started tipping is “Oh sh!t!!! The surfboards!!!” Forget the fact that his car is probably somewhat screwed, the boards would have been my first, and last thought. And even though the crash itself was gnarly, the worst part (yes, I know it was funny) was when the car rolled completely over and you could hear the boards cracking. Wooh! I just got the chills again! It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it! What, exactly was this guy trying to accomplish? His quiver is completely ruined now, so that surf session he had in mind won’t be happening.
I’m sure that the guy who was filming it agrees with me.
Think Lower Trestles is crowed? Check out this clip I came across on YouTube today of somewhere only Satan knows because I can’t read the language description. From the looks of things, it must be Hell. Why would anyone even want to paddle out in that?! I don’t know about you, but I’m not really into getting fins run across my calves or surfboard noses in my eye. Talk about having a nervous breakdown. I’d probably end up killing someone. That someone most likely being my own face when I throw my fist into it. You could be the mellowest, best-mannered person in the world and still completely lose your mind out there. This must be what the whole world looks like from outer space, huh? No wonder all the passing aliens are like “F#ck that!”, and never land here anymore.
What’s the difference? Just add water:
An all time low for board sport trainers, the iJoy balance board looks like the biggest waste of money. Ever. Really, you just stand on it, and you set it to an intensity (if that’s what you want to call it…) and then – BAM! – it shakes! That thing looks easier to balance on than solid ground! Maybe if it kinda teeter-tottered and wobbled, it would be of good use, but this… meh. An Indo Board (which I have, by the way, and give a full endorsement) would be a much better alternative, and it’s tons more fun! You can actually do surfing tricks on it. The iJoy is more like riding a skateboard down a gravel road. It’s just plain ridiculous. I guess for those people who are like: “Hey, if I can balance on this than I can surf!” Well whatever.
Work on that Elvis shake!
Next time you’re out on a chest to head high day and the wind switches a little bit sideshore, “ruining” the perfect oil glass that you were already surfing for several hours, consider just how lucky you really are. There are people in this world who take great pleasure in surfing absolute garbage. In the above clip you’ll see locals of one of the finer breaks along the Colorado river, stoked out of their gourds on surfing ripples that would easily be rivalled by any crossing boat wake. I get the gimmicky appeal of trying this particular river wave once or twice, but the fact that they have a local known as “All Day Dave” seems a bit too much.
I know they say the best guy out there is the guy having the most fun, but…. come on! Seriously… could this be any less fun? No disrespect to the Colorado River locals. I understand you’re trying to make lemonade here, but aren’t there any nearby lakes that you could take a big wakemaster boat out onto, to kick up a wake that’s at least triple the size of your beloved river wave?
Stoked that these guys are stoked, but for the rest of us, let’s be happy with even the crappy days we have.
There’s a surfing-like activity that is all the rage for surfers that are battling flat conditions (ie. None of us, right now) and for dumb kids finding themselves far from surf: car surfing. Don’t do it. Don’t let your younger brother do it. The guy in this video is just totally asking for – oh, wait, he actually gets it, hard. A whole bunch of kids keep doing it, and the results are just plain stupid. Yeah, it’s fun for about 15 seconds, and then you wipeout and it’s not fun. Like Teahupoo, sort of, but much, much worse. Not stoked.
For anyone planning to start surfing, it’s a good idea to buy a used or epoxy board that can take a beating. And, before you paddle out don’t be afraid to ask a local where to get in and out of the water. This dude’s next lesson will be in ding repair.
[Editor’s Note: Yeah – trying to look cool is the number one reason, in my mind, why people tend to look like kooks, especially when starting out. Everybody who has been in the water started as a kook. The key is to recognize when you’re kookin’ out!!]
So, aside from the fact that the surfer in this vid is attempting to surf Hurricane Ike – complete with crazy winds and tons of whitewater – and is later seen “riding” closeout crap, the best part about this vid is the cop getting totally pummeled by a wave, as he attempts to drive his four wheeler out past the breaking waves. We can only assume that the 4 wheeler is done for. Surfers who are venturing out in these conditions know what they are doing and accept the risk of going out (in what looks like crappy conditions). Surfers most certainly don’t need a warning from the local cops that the conditions are rough and possibly treacherous. While the cop was clearly trying to do his duty (I guess), he had the wrong tools for the job. What he really needed was a Stand Up Paddleboard…
Yeah yeah, I know, “at least they’re having fun.” Well at least they could’ve kept their little vacation a secret by not making a movie on Vimeo. I was just searching for some cool local surfing vids, and what do I find? The latest episode of Kooksville? Of course, I chuckle at this video in good nature, realizing how good I have it to live close enough to the beach that I don’t need to make a ridiculously edited video every time that I go. But what are ya’ gonna do? Everyone surfs nowadays. Everyone.
The music just gets on my nerves.
Well, actually, they’ve always displayed a sense of humor – I mean, Sex Wax? How about Quick Humps? Anyways, I love Sex Wax Quick Humps and I religiously use it as my base-coat because it makes the most perfect little bumps so your little feet and toes can grip an otherwise oil-slick board. Then I slap on some Sticky Bumps or whatever else I can find at the local shop and use the stickiness for extra insurance.
But back to Sex Wax, when you go to their website, they have this awesome movie before you enter the site that isn’t funny at all until like the last ten seconds.
Plus, if you peel the label of the plastic wrapper, you can use it as a sticker! Shhh! Don’t tell anyone!
He’s an undersea creature. Why wouldn’t he surf? He is in the water. Or actually, under the water. Think about that for a second. Do you see something wrong here? How is there water under the water? Hmmm. Oh well, Spongebob is beast, and if you’ve never watched Spongebob, then you are not a surfer through my eyes.
Be sure to watch the other videos in the series!