My Dream Quiver

Proof that cavemen surfed - as seen on Craigslist

And you thought Polynesians were the first people to start the legacy of surfing! What were you thinking? All jokes aside, I’m really not sure what happened in this Craigslist offering. De-lamination? Thrown in a fire? Moldy foam? Since I can’t really figure it out, I think that it’s safe to say that this surfboard is made of some kind of buoyant rock. $25 is kinda steep, don’t you think?

Back before they invented the wheel, the cavemen saw the dolphins frolicking in the waves and said to themselves “Ugh, Uh Uh EEE!” (Translation): “I want to do that!” They tested many different stones and boulders for buoyancy by throwing them in the water. They soon realized that they all sunk. But then they realized that if they carved out holes on the inside, and stuffed them with wood, it would actually float! They then began experimenting with board design and that rocker was needed so the board wouldn’t nose-dive. (They even called it rocker. Get it? Rocker? Nevermind.) Then, they shed their cow skin and learned to surf by watching at how the dolphins would catch the waves. I can see why people thought that Polynesians were the first to surf. Through something I learned in World History called cultural diffusion, the practice of riding waves were passed on. The cavemen were, however, an inferior race, and died out before they could get credit for inventing the world’s best pastime. And yes, the cavemen ripped on short boards (easier to build). The Polynesians would tell all their friends about this new experience, but their friends were scared to try it, so they told them surfing was so easy, a caveman could do it!

Sandy, sunburnt, and soggy, this caveman was obviously a local at Bedrock Beach.

You can own your own piece of history by checking out the rock that’s on offer for $25 on Craigslist.

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