Funny sh!t

A Kooks Guide to: Not looking like a kook while floating in the lineup

Disclaimer: This is a parody meant to be read by real surfers. But read this as if you were a clueless kook. That is the the only way that this post will be funny. You have been warned.

So, somehow, you make it into the lineup with that sorry duck-dive of yours and you precariously sit on your board, “looking” for sets (since you’re a kook, you just look at other people and copy what they do). But you want to look like you know what you’re doing, right? You’re no kook! You can surf! Well, follow these steps and your kookiness shall melt away!

1. Sit up. No laying down, unless you gotta take a piss (it’s hard sitting sometimes). People assume that if you lay down, you can’t balance sitting up. (Can you?). Plus, it’s hard to see oncoming sets (but that’s not as important as looking cool).

2. Whenever you miss a wave, look annoyed. You know. You’re too good to miss waves, so you look annoyed. But don’t miss too many waves, people will start noticing.

3. Head nod. Probably the only useful thing in this post series.

4. If you happen to drop in on someone, you’re gonna get yelled at. Start a fight if you want… that’s soooooo hardcore. People on the beach will think you rip, but all the surfers will think you’re a dick - it’s a sacrifice you’ll have to be willing to take.

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